Scientists have identified a gene in Sex-0bsessed Sue linked to depression that may help both in understanding the disease and in determining treatment.

Variable number tandem repeats (VNTRs) a term aptly befitting Sue's indiscretions, has been scientifically applied to 17 DNA base pairs that are the basis of genetic finger-printing. These pairs repeat either nine, ten or twelve times. Fewer repeats, such as nine or less, causes depression.

With the calculus of her DNA altered, her dark side genetically sealed, Sex-0bsessed Sue sat at the Cyber-Digital-Salon among consumptive-looking boys with skunk-dyed hairdos, hoping to become America's First Lady.

"Sean Penn should run for President," she exclaimed, to wit, she e-mailed the Hollywood actor/director: "First Lady Available, no memory of past scandals. Campaign on a limited basis. Health Club privileges a must. Depression cured. Certificate available on request."



Copyright Cyclops Communications, Inc. 1999